exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
