He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
