i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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