Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
