that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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