I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
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