I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
