I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
