I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Sponge bath it is.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
