I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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