did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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