he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize