So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
