I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
