my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
