I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
