I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
