I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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