I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
