WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
