I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
