Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
