I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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