Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
So apparently I’m into choking now
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
