i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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