I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
