my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
3 2 1 whiskey
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
