don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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