what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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