I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
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