I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
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so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
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Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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