The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
3pm strippers are depressing
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
