Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
