He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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