Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
