I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
