I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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