my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
No I am not eating basil off your cock
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
