They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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