Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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