shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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