You just made me feel so damn special
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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