She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
