i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
