Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
