i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
