This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
