Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
