Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
