This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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