Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
