That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
