so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
