Plan B is the new Plan A
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
