Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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