This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
