Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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