The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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