Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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