I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
